As I sit down twenty-four hours after seeing the new comedy Dinner for Schmucks, I look at the notes I jotted down throughout the screening and find “when is dinner?”  It’s the focal point of the film and yet it takes forever to get there.  Now, I am a firm believer in the idea that it is the journey, not necessarily the destination, that makes a movie, but when the journey is this lame, unfunny and annoying, it can’t get over soon enough.

The titular dinner serves as something of a proving ground for motivated young executives looking to move into a corner office on the seventh floor.  One such up-and-comer is Tim, who impresses his superiors with his plan to snag a wealthy client using lamps made out of ammunition (huh?).  He’s given a whiff of the corner office, but is told that before he can take possession he must attend a dinner and bring a guest who is, ahem, extraordinary.  Basically, they are looking for an idiot they can poke fun at.

Fortunately for Tim, he happens to run into Barry (literally), an IRS auditor whose hobby is to stuff dead mice, dress them up and pose them in famous motifs.  It has to be fate, right?  That’s what Tim convinces himself and against his better judgment and his girlfriend’s pleas, he invites Barry to the dinner.  Unfortunately for Tim, Barry turns out to be one of those movie characters who always manage to turn the best intentions into the worst disasters.  He’s also a bit clingy.

Hollywood has been looking for the next hit comedy since last summer’s The Hangover and on paper Dinner for Schmucks certainly seemed a good candidate.  There are some incredible talents involved.  Paul Rudd and Steve Carell have resumes that speak for themselves and The Hangover’s own Zach Galifianakis the comedy “it” guy of the moment.  Even The Flight of the Conchords’ Jermaine Clement is on board as a self-important artist.  Director Jay Roach certainly has his share of hits, having directed all three Austin Powers movies and Meet the Parents.  Schmucks, however, is incredibly embarrassing for all parties involved.

It’s hard to critique Rudd, because there is really very little for him to do besides stand there looking amazed and frustrated with how his life is crashing down around him, and Galifianakis doesn’t really have the screen time to play much of a factor.  Clement actually brings some life to the movie when he’s on screen, so that leaves everyone’s favorite boss, Steve Carell.  It’s unfortunate timing that Carell just recently announced that he would not be returning to play Michael Scott on TV’s “The Office,” because this is a huge step backward for the actor as a movie star.  Barry is the personification of that annoying friend you just can’t stand and who won’t go away.  Eventually, the movie tries to make you care for him, but by that point he’s annoyed us to the point of no return.  It’s the male version of Mary, the character Sandra Bullock portrayed in last year’s equally horrid All About Steve.  So all hope is not lost for Carell; if he plays the adoptive parent of a football player later this year, he may just win an Oscar.

Screenwriters David Guion and Michael Handelman deserve a fair share of the blame as well, if not the majority.  Although there are scattered chuckles spread throughout the film, for the most part the audience is stuck wading through one crash-and-burn “big laugh” scene after another.  One scene in which Tim’s stalker Darla shows up and flirts (I guess?) with Barry is comedy roadkill and another in which Barry introduces Darla to a couple of prospective clients as Tim’s girlfriend Julie is so by-the-numbers bad that the only shock was how surprised the rest of the audience seemed to be when the you-know-what hit the fan.

As disastrous as the trip is, the movie does finally get to the dinner and there are finally a few laughs, but by that point the movie has become a food poisoning-induced nightmare from which you can’t wait to wake up.

Dinner for Schmucks is rated PG-13 for “sequences of crude and sexual content, some partial nudity and language.”  The crude language and sexual content is not nearly as repulsive as the movie itself.

Courtesy of a local publicist, Jeff attended a promotional screening of Dinner for Schmucks.